The Languages of Love

Not too terribly long ago, I was reading the NYTime morning briefing and the writer was talking about the 5 languages of love.  Me, I thought of French, Italian…then went pretty blank.  But no, apparently there was a famous book that I never heard of—too much focus on fiction and politics I guess—that outlined the 5 ways people give and receive love.  I can only remember three of them:  receiving gifts, affirmations, touch.  I am definitely not a good gift receiver.  I don’t like being touched all that much—especially if I don’t know you that well.  I do like being told all the good things someone feels about me.  Ahh, just looked it up and the other two are acts of service, which we in the nonprofit sector understand well,  and quality time (which to me is often leaving me alone).

These five are pretty good roads to take as you build a relationship—as long as you know what the other person values.  And since fundraising is mostly about relationships, learning to find out how your prospects like to treated can make a world of difference.

A romantic relationship, of course, is very different than the one you are building with your donors.  They certainly don’t want you to be giving them gifts—though for philanthropic people, giving is even better than receiving.  I’d also advise putting touch aside as your intentions might be misunderstood.  Again, however, think of touching not as a physical action, but rather as a way in which you can impact someone’s life.

Telling a prospective donor that their gift will make a difference, that their act of generosity will have great meaning and telling them of potential impacts will encourage many to give.  Telling a recent donor how they have helped to change things for the better, will help to keep them giving—especially if several times a year, you reach back to remind them of their good works (acts of service) and how it is impacting lives.

When you meet with donors—at an event or at a time specifically set for you to talk about their relationship with your organization—spend at least twice as much time learning about them as you spend telling them about you and/or the organization you represent. Unless, of course, they are asking lots of questions.  Then your job is to answer them, but to remember to do so in a way that will resonate.  If, for example, affirmations are important to them you’ll want to be telling them how they can be part of this important project or a real partner in the organization.

While the languages of love may (or may not) speak to you, personally I think there is one that is missing:  the language of inclusion—being part of something greater than yourself.  Always show your donors that they are part of a special group, and that you are proud to be able to join with them in supporting your amazing organization.