Missing Manners

miss manners.  And though I’ve often been told to watch my “potty mouth”, I also miss, really miss, civilized conversations.  I truly dislike the name calling, the threats, the fear mongering that passes for conversation these days.  Cursing used to be shocking, impactful.  Now it is jus—yeah— every other word.  Like too many things, it has become meaningless.

On the plus side, it has made me more polite.  I say thank you when someone does something for me.  Please before I make a request.  And that has made me listen more and more carefully.

I’m also tired of narcissism.  I don’t need to be the best, the most, the everything.  That means that my listening has become more thoughtful, I’m no longer listening only to turn the conversation around to me.  I don’t need to insert myself on every statement.

Not, mind you, that I have become a paragon of virtue.  I still interrupt, I still don’t always use words appropriately.  I’m not always kind, thoughtful, mannerly.  But I do try, and I do think it makes a difference.

Making a difference, of course, is what nonprofits try to do.  But we don’t achieve that goal if our thank you’s are perfunctory, our listening slapdash, or if we only tell our donors what we need rather than how we can help them make a difference in the way they would like.

Some of this, I think, means understanding what technology—and AI in particular—can do.  And what it can’t.

Fundraising, as is rightly said, relies on relationships.  And relationships are not build by one side doing all the talking and always asking for something.  Relationships mean give and take.

Personally, I get annoyed with I am constantly asked with no thought to whether I’ve recently given.  Saying thank you with a note centered at the bottom of the email that says “MAKE A DONATION” is beyond jarring.  It is annoying, irritating, and makes me at least not want to support that organization.   

Thank me for my gift; show me (probably at a slightly later date) how I’ve made a difference.  And then and only then, make another ask.

In other words, show me that you see me, that you care about my feelings, and that you want to build a relationship and not just get some money.

Think about your donors’ needs and don’t just focus on your own.  Making them feel warm and fuzzy about your mission will pay in the end, in a much larger way than you can ever imagine.